just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
