I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
