He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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