Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
