I can tuck mytits in my pants
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
