The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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