i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
