If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
