She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
