AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
