guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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