Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
