I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
