I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
