I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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