Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
