the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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