I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
