hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
