We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
