Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
