Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
