I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
