sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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