Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
