Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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