Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Shame is for Republicans.
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