I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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