There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
