Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
