dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
