It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
