my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
