Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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