dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
honey bunches of taint.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
