there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
