This girl is more easily done than said...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
