WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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