He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
