How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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