the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
