all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have post one night stand depression
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