someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
