Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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