Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
