i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
