I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
