I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
