I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
