I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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