Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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