What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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