Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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